Try New Means

 

If your only tool is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow
Read my thoughts about this... 

If your only tool is a bomb,
you tend to see every problem as a target.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Little men with little minds and little imaginations
go through life in little ruts,
smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.
- Zig Ziglar

If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.
- Alan Lewis
[Sometimes a bigger hammer works, but it isn't a very creative approach.]

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

Further reading: 9 Secrets For Getting Un-Stuck

Focus and Flexibility

Be Present in the Moment

Our Habits

Adaptability
     

Try New Tools and Techniques

 

If your only tool is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow
Read my thoughts about this... 

If your only tool is a bomb,
you tend to see every problem as a target.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Little men with little minds and little imaginations
go through life in little ruts,
smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.
- Zig Ziglar

If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.
- Alan Lewis
[Sometimes a bigger hammer works, but it isn't a very creative approach.]

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

Further reading: 9 Secrets For Getting Un-Stuck

Focus and Flexibility

Be Present in the Moment

Our Habits

Adaptability
     

Expand Your Toolkit

 

If your only tool is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow
Read my thoughts about this... 

If your only tool is a bomb,
you tend to see every problem as a target.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Little men with little minds and little imaginations
go through life in little ruts,
smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.
- Zig Ziglar

If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.
- Alan Lewis
[Sometimes a bigger hammer works, but it isn't a very creative approach.]

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

Further reading: 9 Secrets For Getting Un-Stuck

Focus and Flexibility

Be Present in the Moment

Our Habits

Adaptability
     

Be Flexible & Creative

 

If your only tool is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow
Read my thoughts about this... 

If your only tool is a bomb,
you tend to see every problem as a target.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Little men with little minds and little imaginations
go through life in little ruts,
smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.
- Zig Ziglar

If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.
- Alan Lewis
[Sometimes a bigger hammer works, but it isn't a very creative approach.]

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

Further reading: 9 Secrets For Getting Un-Stuck

Focus and Flexibility

Be Present in the Moment

Our Habits

Adaptability
     

Choose the Skills and Tools that Best Fit the Task at Hand

 

If your only tool is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow
Read my thoughts about this... 

If your only tool is a bomb,
you tend to see every problem as a target.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Little men with little minds and little imaginations
go through life in little ruts,
smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.
- Zig Ziglar

If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.
- Alan Lewis
[Sometimes a bigger hammer works, but it isn't a very creative approach.]

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

Further reading: 9 Secrets For Getting Un-Stuck

Focus and Flexibility

Be Present in the Moment

Our Habits

Adaptability
     

What Tools are in Your Toolkit?

If your only tool is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow
Read my thoughts about this... 

If your only tool is a bomb,
you tend to see every problem as a target.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Little men with little minds and little imaginations
go through life in little ruts,
smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.
- Zig Ziglar

If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.
- Alan Lewis
[Sometimes a bigger hammer works, but it isn't a very creative approach.]

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

Further reading: 9 Secrets For Getting Un-Stuck

Focus and Flexibility

Be Present in the Moment

Our Habits

Adaptability
     

Violence Solves Nothing

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
- Isaac Asimov

Where there is no emotion,
there is no motive for violence.
- the character Spock in the Star Trek television series
[More about Causes of Violence]

Peace cannot be achieved through violence,
it can only be attained through understanding.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Through violence, you may 'solve' one problem,
but you sow the seeds for another.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

The cause of violence ... is self-interest.
- William Sloane Coffin, Jr.

War does not determine who is right -
only who is left.
- Bertrand Russell 

Further reading: Revenge, the Deadliest Sin?

How to Deal with Anger - How to Deal with Fear

Your Whole Toolkit
   

Action, Not Anger, Not Violence

Raging is easy but is neither good for your sanity, nor the best way to effect change.
- Mariella Frostrup

Mariella Frostrup's words are the best advice, the only rational advice, whether the crisis is Misogyny, Racism, Climate Change, Political Corruption, or personal issues.

The limitation of riots, moral questions aside,
is that they cannot win and their participants know it.
Hence, rioting is not revolutionary but reactionary
because it invites defeat.
It involves an emotional catharsis,
but it must be followed by a sense of futility.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Change of any sort requires courage.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Violence, even well intentioned,
always rebounds upon oneself.
- Lao Tzu

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful,
committed people can change the world.
Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.
- Margaret Mead

Non-violence means avoiding not only external physical violence
but also internal violence of spirit.
You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Prepare for the unknown by studying how others in the past have coped
with the unforeseeable and the unpredictable.
- George S. Patton

Be resolute in your goals, but flexible in your tactics.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: Until You Take Action, What You Want Holds No Power
            

Expand Your Toolkit

If the only tool you have is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow
Read my thoughts about this... 

Little men with little minds and little imaginations
go through life in little ruts,
smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.
- Zig Ziglar

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.
- Alan Lewis
[Sometimes a bigger hammer works, but it isn't a very creative approach.]

If your only tool is a bomb,
you tend to see every problem as a target.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: Focus and Flexibility

Our Habits

Being Present in the Moment

Adaptability

9 Secrets For Getting Un-Stuck
     

Violence

Where there is no emotion,
there is no motive for violence.
- the character Spock in the Star Trek television series
[More about Causes of Violence]

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
- Isaac Asimov

Through violence, you may 'solve' one problem,
but you sow the seeds for another.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Peace cannot be achieved through violence,
it can only be attained through understanding.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Further reading: Revenge, the Deadliest Sin?

Your Whole Toolkit

How to Deal with Anger - How to Deal with Fear
   

Revenge Never Ends

Revenge... is like a rolling stone,
which, when a man hath forced up a hill,
will return upon him with a greater violence,
and break those bones whose sinews gave it motion.
- Albert Schweitzer

Through violence, you may 'solve' one problem,
but you sow the seeds for another.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Violence, even well intentioned,
always rebounds upon oneself.
- Lao Tzu

Peace cannot be achieved through violence,
it can only be attained through understanding.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I object to violence because
when it appears to do good,
the good is only temporary;
the evil it does is permanent.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The ugliest word in the world is revenge.
It spells hate; it spells fear; it spells greed.
For my loss, I must kill; I must steal - must avenge.
It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading:  The Unworkability of Vengeance

Ending Hatred

How to Deal with Anger - How to Deal with Fear

Enemies

Your Whole Toolkit

If the only tool you have is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow
Read my thoughts about this... 

If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.
- Alan Lewis
[Sometimes a bigger hammer works, but it isn't a very creative approach.]

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

Little men with little minds and little imaginations
go through life in little ruts,
smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.
- Zig Ziglar

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again,
but expecting different results.
- Rita Mae Brown, also attributed to Einstein

If your only tool is a bomb,
you tend to see every problem as a target.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: Our Habits

9 Secrets For Getting Un-Stuck

Being Present in the Moment

Focus and Flexibility

Adaptability

Revenge, the Deadliest Sin?

Revenge... is like a rolling stone,
which, when a man hath forced up a hill,
will return upon him with a greater violence,
and break those bones whose sinews gave it motion.
- Albert Schweitzer

Through violence, you may 'solve' one problem,
but you sow the seeds for another.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Man's enemies are not demons, but human beings like himself.
- Lao Tzu

Peace cannot be achieved through violence,
it can only be attained through understanding.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The ugliest word in the world is revenge.
It spells hate; it spells fear; it spells greed.
For my loss, I must kill; I must steal - must avenge.
It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading:  The Unworkability of Vengeance

Forgive from the Heart

Ending Hatred

Creatures of Emotion

Assignment of Fault

Force

The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem,
it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.
- David Friedman

Do not attempt to conquer the world with force,
for force only causes resistance.
- Lao Tzu

Don't fight forces, use them.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Though force can protect in emergency,
only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation
can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein

Peace cannot be kept by force;
it can only be achieved by understanding.
- Albert Einstein

An invasion of armies can be resisted,
but not an idea whose time has come.
- Victor Hugo

Further reading: The Oak and the Reeds - a fable by Aesop

Use and Misuse of Power

Don't Struggle

Aesop: Gentleness and kind persuasion win where force and bluster fail

Live Softly

The Sailboat Metaphor

Violence

Violence, even well intentioned,
always rebounds upon oneself.
- Lao Tzu

Through violence, you may 'solve' one problem,
but you sow the seeds for another.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Peace cannot be achieved through violence,
it can only be attained through understanding.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
- Isaac Asimov

I object to violence because
when it appears to do good,
the good is only temporary;
the evil it does is permanent.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The world has always been in an uproar,
and it always will be.
Choose Peace. Choose to live with Peace.
Choose to interact peacefully with everyone -
especially those whose instinct is not to be peaceful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: How to Deal with Anger - How to Deal with Fear

Enemies

Honest Disagreement

Alcoholism in a Relationship

Choose to be Peaceful

Emotions

Understanding

Alcoholism in a Relationship - When to Stay, When to Leave

Alcoholism in a Relationship - When to Stay, When to Leave

"Alcoholic" is one of those words that raises high emotions. We tend to think of an alcoholic as someone who is violent, dangerous, and self destructive. We may also visualize an alcoholic as being selfish and not caring about anyone but themself. Sometimes those stereotypes are appropriate, but often they aren't.

By definition, and alcoholic is someone addicted to consuming alcohol, but how they behave when intoxicated, and the extent of their addiction vary widely. In addition, the word alcoholic is often used as a condemnation of someone who drinks more than their spouse would prefer.

So when can a loving spouse reasonably remain with an alcoholic, and when is it time to leave?

With one huge difference, the criteria for deciding the future of your relationship are the same whether your spouse is alcoholic or not:

1. If your spouse is physically violent or threatens physical violence, you must leave now - today. This is true whether your partner is drinking or just angry. It doesn't matter if they promise they will never hurt you again. It doesn't even matter if they promise to get help for their addiction. Violence or threats are cause to leave right now and seek safety.

2. If you feel safe and you are happy in your relationship, you have no cause to leave. Even if your spouse drinks too much for their own good, and even if they are unwilling to address their addiction, accept them as they are, love them, and don't pester them with demands to change their behavior. Of course you stand ready to support a decision on their part to get help in defeating their addiction, but you can't live their life for them.

3. If you are seriously unhappy because of any aspect of your relationship, consider leaving your partner. Whether the cause of your suffering is your spouse's addiction, philandering, angry outbursts, demeaning attitude toward you, or any other cause, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.

The one exception to the general rule of maximizing your own well-being occurs when your partner makes a voluntary commitment to treatment for addiction and continuously follows up on that commitment. As long as you feel safe and you continue to see commitment and improvement, hold on. If your partner's progress turns to frequent backsliding, end the battle and take care of yourself by getting out of the relationship if you are suffering.

If children are involved in your decision, understand that their best interest is not well served by living with an addictive or hostile parent. Read Don't Stay in a Broken Marriage For the Children