What you resist persists - Carl Jung

What you resist persists - Carl Jung

To explain Jung's point by way of example... I say, "I'm not going to have a cigarette today, I'm never going to smoke ever again." Far from moving my thoughts away from smoking, I am focusing all my attention on the subject of smoking, even though in a negative way. A far better way to avoid smoking would be to think about a completely different subject - one that grabs your whole attention, and diverts your thinking. Go to the gym or turn Gabrielle Roth up loud and put your whole body, mind, and spirit into your dance. Now, what was I trying to remember NOT to do?

Further reading: Choose Your Habits, Choose Your Life - 5 Secrets For Breaking Your Bad Habits

The Serenity Prayer - God grant me the serenity...

The Serenity Prayer is most commonly attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr, although there is some evidence that it existed before he popularized it in the 1930's. This prayer became well known with it's adoption by Alcoholics Anonymous in 1941.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

To apply this great wisdom...

1. The past cannot be changed, so what there is to do is to accept what has been with no regrets, no resentments, and no call for vengeance.

2. Remember that there are a million "wrong things" in the world (as well as a billion "right things"), so focus your energies on addressing with courage the few issues closest to your heart, and accept the rest of life with serenity.

3. Never waste your time or energy complaining. Either take positive action, or accept with serenity. This is especially true with regard to politics and money.

Further reading:
Serenity - make a conscious choice to live a stress-free life

Life only appears to be rushing toward us

The River of Life has no meaning - no good, no bad, no better, no worse, no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy. - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The Eye-of-the-Storm

Alcoholism in a Relationship - When to Stay, When to Leave

Alcoholism in a Relationship - When to Stay, When to Leave

"Alcoholic" is one of those words that raises high emotions. We tend to think of an alcoholic as someone who is violent, dangerous, and self destructive. We may also visualize an alcoholic as being selfish and not caring about anyone but themself. Sometimes those stereotypes are appropriate, but often they aren't.

By definition, and alcoholic is someone addicted to consuming alcohol, but how they behave when intoxicated, and the extent of their addiction vary widely. In addition, the word alcoholic is often used as a condemnation of someone who drinks more than their spouse would prefer.

So when can a loving spouse reasonably remain with an alcoholic, and when is it time to leave?

With one huge difference, the criteria for deciding the future of your relationship are the same whether your spouse is alcoholic or not:

1. If your spouse is physically violent or threatens physical violence, you must leave now - today. This is true whether your partner is drinking or just angry. It doesn't matter if they promise they will never hurt you again. It doesn't even matter if they promise to get help for their addiction. Violence or threats are cause to leave right now and seek safety.

2. If you feel safe and you are happy in your relationship, you have no cause to leave. Even if your spouse drinks too much for their own good, and even if they are unwilling to address their addiction, accept them as they are, love them, and don't pester them with demands to change their behavior. Of course you stand ready to support a decision on their part to get help in defeating their addiction, but you can't live their life for them.

3. If you are seriously unhappy because of any aspect of your relationship, consider leaving your partner. Whether the cause of your suffering is your spouse's addiction, philandering, angry outbursts, demeaning attitude toward you, or any other cause, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.

The one exception to the general rule of maximizing your own well-being occurs when your partner makes a voluntary commitment to treatment for addiction and continuously follows up on that commitment. As long as you feel safe and you continue to see commitment and improvement, hold on. If your partner's progress turns to frequent backsliding, end the battle and take care of yourself by getting out of the relationship if you are suffering.

If children are involved in your decision, understand that their best interest is not well served by living with an addictive or hostile parent. Read Don't Stay in a Broken Marriage For the Children