The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. Samuel Johnson

The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. - Samuel Johnson 

  Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have. - Dale Carnegie 

  Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to waste and destroy. - Henri de Lubac

Inattention is fertile soil for bad habits to grow stronger. To break bad habits and cultivate behaviors you prefer, use your power of conscious attention and daily practice.

Moderating the Anger Response Through Training

Most people think that anger is an instinctive response, and that some people were just born with the temperament to get angrier faster than others. That statement is half right. Anger is an instinctive response. We respond to an affront with anger essentially instantaneously - much too quickly for conscious thought to be called upon. But the instinct of the anger response can be trained through conscious repetition, visualization, and coaching. Visualization is seeing the event we desire to master in our mind's eye.

During his training, a baseball player strives to make each swing better than the last. The repetition of a faulty swing would be worse than useless. It would ingrain bad habits. The same is true of emotional responses. If we allow ourselves to continue to have the same angry responses, we just entrench our anger habit. But if we strive - through consciousness, visualization, and coaching - to moderate our anger response over time, we can train ourselves to respond to events as we choose, without anger. You can't magically be free from anger tomorrow, but you can put yourself on a training program that will reduce the frequency and intensity of your anger response day by day, year by year.

My training advice for moderating the anger response is:

1. Consciously practice responding with a little less anger each time a situation provokes you.

2. Practice visualizing aggravating situations and rehearse the response you choose to make to such events.

3. Have patience. It took you years to get so angry. It may take years to reduce anger down to a minor twinge.

4. Understand that you can never completely eliminate the anger response. Minimizing anger requires lifelong conscious practice.

The preceding advice is intended for those who are quick to anger, and who display their anger outwardly. But what about people who don't appear to anger? Some people who don't show anger have trained themselves to moderate their anger response, but many others internalize their anger rather than expressing it. While withheld anger may save family and friends from having to endure an outburst, unexpressed anger is even more damaging to its owner than is anger that is verbalized and acted upon.

For those who suffer from repressed anger, there must be an intermediate stop along the path from anger to freedom. First the anger must be expressed. While I believe that most people can significantly reduce the frequency and intensity of their anger responses through the training steps above, overcoming repressed anger is usually not a do-it-yourself proposition. Professional counseling - often including the physical expression of anger in a controlled environment - can reveal and heal the childhood traumas which triggered the lifelong habit of repressing intense anger and hostility. Once a person has become able to express their anger, it becomes imperative to immediately begin moderating that response, with the goal of feeling no anger, either repressed or outward.

The view that there are benefits to anger has become common, but I believe that statements such as, "When anger is channeled and controlled, it can be a catalyst for much positive change," represent a distorted view toward the anger response. The argument goes that if we didn't get angry, we would become pushovers, but the assumption that we can have values and stand up for those values only by getting angry is faulty.

The other view toward anger, with which I totally concur is, "Anger is now known to be quite detrimental to us physically and psychologically." We don't need anger to be assertive any more than we need a stiff drink in order to stand up for our beliefs. As a example, if someone doesn't repay a loan to me, I can be assertive in demanding the repayment, or I can bring legal action to recover the money, at least as well if I am not angry. And more important, I will be far healthier, both physically and emotionally.

Anger is a destructive emotion that becomes instinctive over the years. Through conscious training, the anger response - whether in the form of outbursts or repressed - can be moderated over time, until it is virtually eliminated.

Training and Coaching

Classes

Mary Anne Radmacher teaches a variety of hands on creative experiences involving both writing and artistic exploration.

From a two week writing intensive, to the monthly focus phrase process to a life changing trimester called LEAN FORWARD INTO YOUR LIFE, mary anne guides participants in a variety of writing experiences, on line.

Click HERE to learn more about mary anne's classes.

Coaching

mary anne radmacher,
author, artist and inspirator...

has taught personal writing processes for over twenty five years. Through the immediacy of the internet she offers writing based interactions called...

ON(e)LINE ....

ONE LINE between mary anne and the participant - an exchange which occurs ON LINE. Each opportunity comes with more complete instructions upon registration. Click HERE to learn more about ON(e)LINE.
You may Contact Mary Anne at mar@sail7.com or 503-999-1501

Karate Kid Movie Quotes - Miyagi Quotes

First, wash all car. Then wax. Wax on...
Wax on, right hand. Wax off, left hand. Wax on, wax off. Breathe in through nose, out the mouth. Wax on, wax off. Don't forget to breathe, very important.
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

Problem: attitude.
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

Walk on road, hmmm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later get squish just like grape. Here, karate, same thing. Either you karate do "yes" or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so," squish just like grape. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, karate good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

For man with no forgiveness in heart, life worse punishment than death.
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid 2

Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in movie The Next Karate Kid

Fighting not good. But if must fight... win.
- Miyagi: character in movie The Next Karate Kid

The Sailboat Metaphor

"SAIL" is more than just an acronym for Simply An Inspired Life. A metaphoric SAILboat is an ideal vehicle for our voyage through life's often troubled waters and stormy winds.

When life's storms blow, we could choose to play the tumbleweed, and let life blow us this way and that. Or we could hold on tight and resist as long as our strength holds out. We all know people who respond to life in those ways, and it isn't pretty.

Another way to encounter life is head-on. When we watch someone tilting at life like a Don Quixote, our first reaction may be "how brave," but soon we see the futility as our someone inevitably tires. Life can never be conquered by brute force.

Sailboats have mastery over the wind. A skillful sailor can sail in any direction - with the wind, across the wind, and even directly into the wind - by applying the skill and patience to "tack" from side to side - coming a little closer to an upwind destination with each turn.

As a karate fighter or a fencer parries and turns a stronger opponent's force back upon them, so too a sailboat uses the force of its opponent - the wind - to travel anywhere - even into the face of the storm itself.

Life often resembles a windy storm and we can best respond by turning the force of the storm to our own purposes. Once one begins to think like a SAILboat, life's storms start to look like a power we can utilize to design a Bold and Joyful life.